Sunday, April 15, 2012

A Comics Conspiracy, or, How a Critical Look at My Collection Uncovered a Dark Secret

Why do the letters A-D make up nearly three-quarters 
of my comic book collection? Read on, O frantic one...

Smoke-filled backrooms, shadowy handshakes set to the tune of sinister laughter and The Man pulling the wool over the eyes of the huddled masses. Who doesn’t love a good conspiracy theory?

Well, grab a bag of popcorn and cuddle up with your childhood teddy bear because and I’ve got a conspiracy theory the size of a 125-year-old sturgeon.

Sitting on my dining room table is a cardboard long box full of every comic book I’ve purchased over the past two years. They’re neatly organized in alphabetical order by title. When filing away a few weeks worth of comics recently I noticed something very suspicious: The letters A-D make up nearly three-quarters of my collection.


How could this be? Out of 24 inches of comics, how do the first four letters of the alphabet take up 14 inches of real estate?

Here’s my theory: In all of the comic book shops I’ve ever been to, the racks of new comics are alphabetized by series title and (here’s the kicker) the letter A is usually the closest to the door, or, the first thing you see when you walk inside. As a customer, it’s only natural that I begin perusing the racks at The Avengers and work my way down to Zatanna.

The evil publishers know this and title their series’ accordingly. They know that as the lowly customer makes that long walk down the racks, picking up whatever grabs their attention, they’ll be more likely to think twice about the last book they pick up than the first.

Closed circuit to Mr. Fancy-Pants-Publisher: I am onto you. I refuse to spend another day as a slave to your alphabetical trickery. From this point forward I’m starting at X-Men and working my way back to Batman. Take that!

No comments:

Post a Comment